Happy New Year

I just wanted to wish everyone a very Happy New Year and I hope that 2012 will be one that is full of creativity, happiness and inspiration.

Overall I enjoyed 2011. I had some wonderful recognitions but more importantly I felt that I grew as a photographer. Over the past few months I have been thinking about what or where I want to go with my work. I can easily plan the kind of work I want to produce or learn but when it comes to the marketing side, I am pretty lame. I was thinking that all the success I had last year came by chance and not me chasing it. From being published in Ag to being published by Galerie Vevais this year. I didn't have to push myself on to anyone, market or network. I often find that the success, including an upcoming exhibition has come as a happy accident. I have put my head down and worked hard learning my craft and then someone sees my work and either likes it or not & if they do something comes of it.

I hope that doesn't sound arrogant - as my point is that all the things that I have put myself forward in have nearly always come to nothing whether it has been a competition or a magazine. It's quite funny - I just must be a very poor judge of who might like my work, a terrible editor or simply my work isn't good enough.

So, I am going to take a bit of a lesson from this for 2012. I am not going to enter competitions. I am no longer going to pay for anything (in fact I rarely did, it was a condition of getting a studio). I am going to concentrate on work. I already have some wonderful things lined up for 2012. I have a bookbinding course to go on so that I can make some artist books for the Al-Mutanabbi Street Project. I have to make and donate 3 books by July. I am also doing a project with a school in Glasgow and will be assisting the wet plate collodion workshop with Carl Radford (& Alex Boyd, I hope). I will be going on a course to do a platinum palladium course with Kerik Kouklis and I still have a lot to learn with my wet plates. I have a my first solo exhibition later in the year. And, finally I hope to have books published with Galerie Vevais. So many wonderful things to look forward too.

So my New Years resolution is to get working - work hard, learn well. Spend my time and money on creating. What about you? Would love to hear your plans for 2012.

Merry Christmas

It has been nearly two years since I started this blog. I remember it well - writing into the void, never imagining that anyone would actually read it. It was my son's birthday and it was snowing. I had just emailed my lecturer at university to say that I would have to give up my photography degree due to family circumstances. I felt a little lost if I am honest and wondered whether I would progress with my photography.

So two years on and I am feeling pretty happy with my decision. I never have plans in as much as I don't know what I want from my work but I do usually know what I want to do. Overall it's been a good year. I have met amazing people both online and off - some of whom I really do feel I can call friends. I am at times overwhelmed at how kind and supportive people have been towards me and my work and I am truly grateful. I hope you all know who you are.

I sometimes sit amazed at my inbox at some of the people helping me - people I have known about for years, through their work, their books, blogs or just being on their mailing list - I never, and I mean never thought I would chat so casually and happily with them.

I have achieved more than I ever believed this year. However, naturally it is not always that plain sailing. I have huge crisis of confidence in myself and my work like anyone else and of course I get countless rejections and criticism but that is part and parcel of putting yourself out there I suppose. But, this is a positive blog today - and one of thanks for all those that support, encourage and inspire me - I hope I give a little something back too.

So, I just wanted to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and I hope 2012 is a wonderful year for you. As for my 2012, I am going to refine the craft of my wet plates, continue my wet plate project with the children. I have some books to make for the al-mutanabbi street project and I am doing a project with a school in Glasgow - so lots to look forward :)

Encapsulating Childhood

I have had an interesting week regarding my photography despite not picking up the camera. I was invited by the Shpilman Institute for Photography to write a piece about my latest series "Stillness in Time" which you can read here, entitled "Encapsulating Stillness". It's good to sit and write about your work, one of the reasons I love to blog. It makes you think about why you are doing it, rather than just doing it because you like to do it. It's about digging deeper and exploring what drives you to do it and to go beyond a more conscious level of your work.

So, the first thing I addressed was why I wanted to photograph children using the wet plate collodion process. I have mentioned it before on my blog, and you can read about it on the "SIP" blog so I won't go into it here.

I then was asked the question on FB whether the pictures of these children are really a depiction of my childhood - this was also asked by a childhood friend who knew me well. And to a point the answer is yes.

This brings me on to the next interesting part of my week. A couple of days I posted this portrait of my son (I won't say where) and the reaction wasn't very positive. They found it uncomfortable, distressing, depressing, words such a 'postmortem' was used - to 'I really don't like this'. Which of course is fine. On the other hand people found it beautiful, serene and peaceful - it is amazing how one projects something of themselves to an image. This pleases me. For me I want to leave an image open.

However, it wasn't the criticism that perturbed me but the fact that people still find it difficult to cope with images of childhood or children that are not smiling or happy. I have been rereading Anne Higonnet's "Pictures of Innocence. The History and Crisis of Ideal Childhood" which I always find interesting, sometimes agreeing, sometimes not. Nonetheless, in regards to my own work I thought that I am not depicting the child, what I am doing is challenging the notion of childhood being innocent - not the child. We shouldn't sentimentalize childhood, to do this would be a grave disservice to our children. It would be a lie. It would suggest that a child lives in a blissful bubble and doesn't feel things that we do as adults. Children are acutely aware of what is going on around them. They feel the emotional torment of a parent's violent argument, they feel the sense of isolation in a classroom if they don't fit in. They know the pain of being laughed at by peers. Children feel as vulnerable, if not more vulnerable than adults. I am not saying that all of childhood is like this. I remember lots of fun and happiness and I see this in my own children. But childhood is what shapes us into the adults we become. It is a small but deeply significant part of our lives. If you see something in a picture it may say something of ourselves - we project our feelings. So we can look at these images and see serenity or fear but that is up to the individual. But we must allow children & childhood to be explored, to be heard literally and visually and sometimes this may make us uncomfortable.

William Ropp presents ...

A couple of years ago I was searching for photography books on children and came across the work of William Ropp. That Christmas I was given his book to me as a present, immediately I fell in love with his work. Several months later I received his '20 years of photography' book for my 40th birthday. As I sat waiting to start my Wet Plate Collodion course I passed the book around to my fellow students.

Anyway, several weeks ago I got a phone call from William (can't tell you how nervous I was) to say that he had spoken to Alexander Scholz of Galerie Vevais and they would like to publish my work and William is to be my editor. Surely this is what dreams are made of? I love the work that I have seen by Galerie Vevais,(I have William's Dreamt Memories of Africa) their books are beautiful, crafted and individual. I cannot think of a better publisher for my work. I want my work to be all of these things and more than anything, I wanted it to feel personal and something that if you buy it you will love it and cherish it. So I am so happy to announce that Galerie Vevais will be publishing both my "September is the Cruellest Month" and "Stillness in Time" series. It is early days of course and much has to be done but I am patient and as we all know time passes very quickly.

As I sit here typing there are two things that strike me about my 40th birthday. One was that I had no idea how life enhancing it would be. I never imagined I would ever cross paths with William Ropp let alone he would be my editor. I didn't even know if I could do a wet plate, let alone have a book made from my work. I came across a quote yesterday "Life begins at the end of your comfort zone" and I have to agree. I am always pushed out of it .. from the first post of putting my work up publicly on the internet, to doing the wet plate course & so far I am pleased I did.

As always thank you to everyone who has encouraged me throughout .. x

An Inspiring Day

This isn't really a photography blog today but I did feel the need to write about my running the Bupa Great North Run last Sunday. However, it was inspired by photography. In April this year I was honoured to be published in Ag Magazine and yet soon after I heard the very sad news that Chris Dickie, the editor and publisher had died from pancreatic cancer. I never knew Chris personally but through our emails concerning the publication I found him to be warm, encouraging and supportive and this news made me feel incredibly sad. Chris isn't the only person I have known to have died from pancreatic cancer, and the more people I talk to about this disease the more I hear how they have been touched by it in one way or another. So I decided to get in touch with the Pancreatic Cancer Research Fund and see if I could run for them. I have never done anything like this in my life before and when they said 'yes' I kind of panicked if I am honest.

Anyway, I did it. It was a very emotional experience. If you ever feel disheartened about the human race then go along to something like this. Several times I felt as if I could burst into tears. Everywhere I looked there were people running 13 miles for a charity or for someone. I remember seeing a young girl of around 18 who was running for her mum who had died of cancer .. she was dancing/running past the steel band in celebration of her mum's life and love .. I wanted to cry again. I never for one moment felt that what I was doing was altruistic in any sense. I wanted to do something, it makes me feel good about myself. Anyone who knows me knows I will always say it is good Karma and it is. This is just a little bit of me saying thanks to the world and thanks to people like Chris Dickie. And while I am here, thanks to everyone who helps me in my photography, who inspire me and supports me and in life too .. particularly my family.

I also have a just giving page for the Pancreatic Cancer Trust (Thanks Colin:)

I love it's stillness. I love how I can look at a single moment forever.

There was recently a question posed by Andy Adams on Flak Photo Network on Facebook asking why we had chosen photography as our medium of expression. I hadn't really thought of my reason to be honest so I made a simple reply. I said "I love it's stillness. I love how you can look at a single moment forever". Not particularly profound but very true when revealing my love of the photograph and photography.

I am often asked what I will do when my children are grown up and I have no-one to photograph. My answer is I have no idea. My work tends to evolve. I don't have a plan as such. I find something I love and go with the flow .. I don't have an agenda.

This summer I have been working with children (other than my own) and the wet plate collodion process. It has been wonderful. I am fascinated by childhood. I know people say it is the best years of your life, I would have to disagree. Of course it can be wonderful, magical and I believe as children we lack the inhibitions that are drilled into us as we enter adulthood. However, I feel childhood can be challenging, at times sad and often frustrating. As kids we are often told what to do, how to do it and how to behave and we are organised relentlessly .. I am not saying this is a bad thing just a fact of life I suppose.

So when I made these portraits I really wanted the children to tell me what they wanted. I wanted them to use their imaginations and I wanted to share the magic of the wet plate process. I couldn't have asked for better children, they were amazing. They all had ideas of what they wanted and they all wanted to be a part of this project. I loved their enthusiasm and their interest.

What I loved most about doing this was that it took time and no-one minded. They never once complained about the framing up (the amount of time it took), or the fact that I was in & out of a darkroom .. they would joke, here comes the purple hand (that's my rubber gloves) as I unzipped the tent. I also loved the stillness of these portraits .. a few moments in time, with each children holding still and engaging only with camera and the moment they were in .. it really was beautiful and I suppose the reason why I love photography and being a photographer.

Changes

We are two-thirds the way into the summer holidays already. We have just had our family holiday, we don't venture far since the children have been born but thankfully we don't really need too. Apart from the horrendous weather we sometimes get, the beauty around makes up for it. It's been an eventful couple of weeks. I love our time together. We head up to the coast for the first week, it rained, and rained. We watched parts of England descend into chaos with the riots as we sat under the quietness of the north east rain, feeling (thankfully) a million miles away.

The second week we headed for the Lake District. We stayed in a small cottage not far from William Wordsworth's house. We had a small garden. It was so wonderful to see the kids imagination working .. working with nature. They had no toys, but the gate provided endless entertainment, particularly as a horse or farm.

The photo's here are what I feel are the essence of our time together. That valuable time of togetherness. I love how they connect to their surroundings, to nature, to water, to the fells & mountains. I thought I would see big changes in the year since I started this project. I did in some ways, in the obvious ways such as getting taller, their capabilities such as climbing bigger mountains, becoming stronger swimmers & the conversations we have. And yet they are the same. They are beautiful, unique individuals who have stayed the same in so many ways and I think these photographs have captured that for me.

On a slightly different note, it has been a good couple of weeks. I have had my work featured on FlakPhoto & THIAPS and have confirmed a solo exhibition next year (and maybe one or two in the pipeline). Tomorrow I am back to wet plates and then it will be our final week of the summer holidays and changes will be happening for my son in particular as he starts a new school and so it begins over again when September, for me, feels the cruellest month.